I remember back in 2015 sitting in my living room listening to a YouTube video by Benthino Massaro and in that video he mentioned something about literally doing nothing and sitting on the couch you can open your hand and if you deeply desire an apple it can appear in your hand...
Not long after hearing that I hear a knock at my door and my neighbor is standing there holding an envelope with $40 cash inside...And he tells me that instead of giving this to the church he normally attends he decided to give it to me...
This shook me to my core...Because for so long I've been working my ass off to make something successful so I could make money...And now universe you are telling me I don't have to actually work for anything in my life?
Fast forward to this year where I decided to leave my stable job to follow my own heart and today I'm sitting in a beautiful home with an amazing girlfriend and she has a baby boy growing in her tummy...I still don't have some stable job or business and I still don't even know how I've been supported all these years but something is happening to me that I one day hope to be able to describe in a very clear way...
I've tried starting a healing company in explaining what is happening to me through this process but nobody is signing up...I am assuming it's because I'm still healing and maybe they feel something is off...Or maybe because I speak of dissolving the ego and humanity isn't ready to hear that and definitely not ready to move through it...For the few people that have signed up to our online therapy group its been the most interesting process watching them cancel their subscription and then even come back but I never see them ask for help or comment in the group to work through things...
I am completely surrendering my whole mind in this process so I've stopped trying to understand what's happening to me and why it seems like nothing in the physical way of making money isn't working yet...But what I can feel deeply is I've begun the process of truly dissolving my own identity...And I'm still by some miracle supported...
I've begun the process of no longer trying to make something work in the passion department for building my dream business...I've even tried to kill Gods in Training but something keeps me here expressing from this core...What I am beginning to witness is my life is beginning to really work without effort, but my identity is still fighting to stay alive... I am just in watching mode and not resisting this process...
I am noticing my energy is becoming more fluid and softening of the edges is being felt...I am not jumping to conclusions on if this is a true awakening or if I'm dissolving my ego or anything that seems to be entertaining a thought process...
I haven't arrived or left from my present moment merely have deeply watched all this play out...
I'm interviewing someone tomorrow and I don't even know why or if I am still going to finish this new documentary or even if Gods in Training will keep going...What you are witnessing for whoever is still with me here and observing is the complete surrendered state and the non attached version of a human identity at play...
I do deeply feel that my identity no longer has a hold on me because any time something rises to be cemented I drop it and move deeper into nothing...But what I am sensing is something truly amazing and wonderful is happening inside the nothingness state...Only the ones that actually go there can feel and understand what I am pointing towards...
I feel super excited and very grateful and joyful for my new baby boy and a new mother is beginning to float up into this wonderful mystery dimension...The nurturing Lauren has given me is beginning to take flight and I am beginning to feel a completely new version of me rise from the ashes...
I understand things have possibly seemingly felt odd or off or boot campy from my energy ...But I assure you one day I do feel this can become a true authentic academy that may help you discover yourself at a deeper level with a loving and nurturing bridge to play across...
Something wonderful is beginning to emerge from this wreckage of trauma that has imprisoned me for a while... I hope you stay for a while and watch the adventures that rise and fall...
I appreciate anyone here observing this journey with us and I hope to witness your own journey one day as well...
🦋
God bless you and Lauren (and the bub-to-be) I sense it is all unfolding for you as it should - and you're aware of that, I know. I think this is exactly where you're meant to be. In fact, I don't think, I know. Of course, this is where you're meant to be - because this is where you are now :) It's weird at times, wanting things to go one way, and they don't. Since giving up being CEO, this has been a huge surrender for me. To totally let go. Even at times when it is hard and I say "I would have done things differently," I still am trusting more and more each day and let all…